Confessions Of A Dumb, White Guy: Tales About Life, Love And The Risks Of Wearing White Thong Underwear
Welcome to my world. My name is Matt Shifley (a.k.a. Mr. Shife) and for the past eight years, I have been chronicling my odyssey from a really dumb newlywed in 2005 to an even more mindless, married, stay-at-home dad in 2013. This book is a collection of short, distinctive anecdotes from my blog, Confessions of a Dumb, White Guy.
A lot has happened over those years.
Some of it funny like discovering that pleated pants can make you look like a sex addict. Some of it heart-warming like becoming a dad and holding my child for the first time. Some of it painful like dealing with the unexpected death of my mother and the aftermath: trying to recover from the worst moment of my life.
And through it all, I’m still learning, discovering, laughing, writing, and enjoying life in my little corner of the world. I’m proud to share these tales with you, even the one where you learn exactly why white thong underwear can be a weapon of mass embarrassment.
IF HE LOSES, SHE DIES
Her voice haunts his thoughts; her whispers fill his days
But when he discovers the woman of his dreams is real
He’ll race the clock to save her before she’s lost to him forever
Scarred by lightning, burdened with a power that gives him no peace, criminal investigator Xander Stone struggles to maintain his sanity against the voice that haunts him day and night—the voice of a woman begging him to save her.
Isleen Walker has long since given up hope of escape from the nightmare of captivity and torture that is draining her life, her mind, and her soul. Except…there is the man in her feverish dreams, a strangely beautiful man who beckons her to freedom. And when he comes, if he comes, it will take all their combined fury and faith to overcome a madman bent on fulfilling a deadly prophecy.
Francesca “Franki” Amato is a tough-talking rookie cop in Texas—until a 911 call involving her boyfriend, Vince, and a German female wrestler convinces her that she isn’t cut out for a life on the police force. So Franki moves to New Orleans to work at her friend Veronica’s detective agency, Private Chicks, Inc. But her hopes for a more stable life are dashed when Private Chicks is hired by the prime suspect in a murder case to find out what really happened to a beautiful young boutique manager who was found strangled with a cheap yellow scarf. When she’s not investigating, Franki is hoping to seduce handsome bank executive Bradley Hartmann, but most of her time is spent dodging date offers from a string of “good Italian boys”—make that not-so-good aging Italian men—that her meddlesome Sicilian grandma has recruited as marriage candidates. As Mardi Gras approaches and the mystery of the murdered shop girl gets more complicated, Franki must decipher the odd ramblings of a Voodoo priestess to solve both the murder and the mystery of her own love life.
Sophia Giannakos will settle for nothing less than the rare love her parents share. At a tender and impressionable age, she has found her soul mate in Dean, the boy she has known her whole life — until secrets and deceptions pull them apart. No stranger to heartache, Anastacia, Sophia’s mother, attempts to comfort her, without revealing ugly family truths that could haunt her daughter’s future.
In the year 1956, Anastacia, a former NYU student, finds herself in the challenging role of a single parent. Left with emotional wounds from a bad marriage, she is reluctant to trust and resists her growing feelings for Alexandros, an old acquaintance. But his persistence and unconditional love for Ana and her child is eventually rewarded and his love is returned. In a misguided, but well-intentioned effort to protect the ones they love, both Ana and Alex keep secrets — ones that could threaten the delicate balance of their family.
What if your “soft skills” – intuition, connection and a passion for inner growth – held the key to building a lucrative, fulfilling business and making your unique impact on the world?
Retreat and Grow Rich™is a step-by-step approach designed specifically for intuitive entrepreneurs who want to find financial freedom and make a difference… without checking their heart at the door.
In this book Darla LeDoux shares her journey, from being told her natural gifts would only hold her back in the corporate world, to experimenting with ‘traditional’ models of entrepreneurship, and finally ditching the ego-driven online gurus to build a thriving community and lucrative business through the power of small retreats.
An indispensable manual to planning, preparing for and delivering truly transformational experiences, this practical guide covers every aspect of this simple, effective structure.
Peyton Stratford is her family’s unofficial keeper of all things secret, from the petty and mundane to the potentially life-changing. But Peyton is keeping a secret of her own. And it’s a doozy.
Pastor Brice Northam is used to hearing secrets. After all, it’s part of his job description. But he’s about to hear one that’s going to challenge him almost as much as his feelings for the person confessing.
Peyton needs some serious help from Brice, but how much does she dare tell him? And what, exactly, is Brice hiding from Peyton—and himself? Clearly they both have some serious soul-searching to do. But maybe, just maybe, the answer to secrets isn’t silence. Or more secrets.
Maybe it’s love.
Amateur sleuth Harlan Holt only believes in cold hard facts. So when he’s cast for a supernatural reality show, he’s determined to disprove an 80-year-old spooky mystery and demystify the other contestant’s ghostly superstitions. And soon Holt is pitched into the rundown residence where a mysterious immortal magician is rumored to roam…
Along with a psychic, a ghost hunter, and a Hollywood scream queen, he sets off in search of clues in the race to unravel the decades-old murder. But when objects start flying across the room and he nearly gets killed, even Holt struggles for a scientific explanation of the strange phenomena.
Can Holt solve the case before the house claims another victim?
When the Royal Wizard of Westland poisons the king so that his puppet prince can take the throne and start a continental war, a young squire is forced to run for his life carrying the powerful sword his dying monarch burdened him with from the death bed.
Two brothers find a magic ring and start on paths to becoming the most powerful sort of enemies, while an evil young sorceress unwillingly falls in love with one of them when he agrees to help her steal a dragon’s egg for her father. Her father just happens to be the Royal Wizard, and despite his daughter’s feelings, he would love nothing more than to sacrifice the boy!
All of these characters, along with the Wolf King of Wildermont, the Lion Lord of Westland, and a magical hawk named Talon, are on a collision course toward Willa the Witch Queen’s palace in the distant kingdom of Highwander.
Thirty-year-old Celeste Hamilton’s life is at a crossroads: she has just left a disastrous marriage, and her estranged mother has recently died, leaving the family’s rose business in jeopardy. Reluctantly, Celeste returns to the family home, a moated manor house in Suffolk, to help her two younger sisters sort out the estate and revive the business.
Having endured the fallout from her mother’s Narcissistic Personality Disorder when she was younger, Celeste is filled with self-doubt and crippling insecurities. But she must find the strength and courage to take charge and make some tough decisions to keep the old house from falling down around them.
The Rose Girls is an uplifting, tender and romantic story of courage, perseverance and the healing power of family.
We all sense it—something big is going on. You feel it in your workplace. You feel it when you talk to your kids. You can’t miss it when you read the newspapers or watch the news. Our lives are being transformed in so many realms all at once—and it is dizzying.
In Thank You for Being Late, version 2.0, with a new afterword, Thomas L. Friedman exposes the tectonic movements that are reshaping the world today and explains how to get the most out of them and cushion their worst impacts. His thesis: to understand the twenty-first century, you need to understand that the planet’s three largest forces—Moore’s law (technology), the Market (globalization), and Mother Nature (climate change and biodiversity loss)—are accelerating all at once. These accelerations are transforming five key realms: the workplace, politics, geopolitics, ethics, and community.
Former Green Beret Colonel Ben Brice drowns memories of Vietnam in oceans of Jim Beam. The war took everything from Ben—his wife, his son, his dreams—and now it threatens to take his ten-year-old granddaughter, Gracie, when she’s abducted after a soccer game. Ben can’t let that happen. He puts down the bottle and goes in search of Gracie—and discovers dark family secrets and meaning to his life.
All children’s book illustrator Claire Turner ever wanted was to be a mother. After six years of trying to conceive, she and her husband, Josh, have finally accepted that she will never be pregnant with a child of their own.
Yet once they give up hope, the couple gets the miracle they’ve been waiting for. For the first few months of her pregnancy, Claire and Josh are living on cloud nine. But when she begins to experience debilitating headaches, blurred vision, and even fainting spells, the soon-to-be mother goes to the doctor and receives a terrifying diagnosis. Since any treatment could put their unborn baby’s life at risk, the Turners must carefully weigh their limited options. And as her symptoms worsen, Claire will have to make an impossible decision: Save her own life, or save her child’s?
Zach Gunderson’s life sucked and then the zombie apocalypse began.
Rick, an aging Vietnam veteran, alcoholic, and prepper, convinces Zach that the apocalypse is on the horizon. The two of them take refuge at a remote farm. As the zombie plague rages, they face a terrifying fight for survival.
They soon learn however that the walking dead are not the only monsters.
In a trade-off she’s lived to regret, Emily Castle left home years ago to become an interior designer. The youngest of three sisters, Emily desperately wanted to prove herself. Success, though, came at the cost of leaving behind the man she loved.
For Boone Dorsett, losing Emily left his heart shattered, but another woman was waiting in the wings. Now a widower with a young son, Boone has a second chance with Emily when a storm brings her home. But with his former in-laws threatening a custody suit, the stakes of loving her are higher than ever.
Will fate once again separate them—or is the time finally right for these two star-crossed lovers?
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